Military Financing

If there's one thing guaranteed to piss me off when I’m driving around off base (other than my fellow drivers, of course) it’s going by some hole-in-the-wall used car lot with 30 or so junkers and a big “Military Financing” sign out front. The lesson they need to pound into every kid's head at boot camp is that “military financing” is code for “we will screw you”. I wouldn’t buy a condom in a whorehouse from them, and neither should you.

You better believe they have more up-to-date pay tables than PSD, so that greasy salesman trying to push some old beater on you knows exactly how much you make per year. And they know you wouldn’t be anywhere near their lot if you had a choice, so you’re already bent over the table and ready to receive before he even quotes you a price.

Sure, junior enlisted don’t make all that much, so you might wonder why these guys target them. After all, they may WANT a Porsche, but the best they’re going to get on an E-4’s pay is a broke-dick Sunbird. No, the reason lenders love the military is because they know if the sailor misses even one payment they can go straight to his CO and complain. Then the poor kid may find himself with the car payment being deducted directly from his paycheck, and, if the CO is a real loser, he’ll probably end up at mast as well.

So, once you get a loan with Honest Al’s Used Cars for some POS at 20%, big-hearted Al knows the Navy will be all the collection agency he’ll need. No civilian has to put up with crap like this, so it must be another one of those intangible “benefits” we get for serving our country. To make matters worse, two doors down from Honest Al is a check cashing place that will finish the poor squid off for good when he can’t make ends meet.

Kids are financially dumb, for the most part, so there’s no real solution for this problem... other than paying them enough to live on, of course. If we can afford 2 billon a week to go camping in Iraq, we can afford to pay some E-4 enough to buy a decent car like the rest of us.

Rather than screw around with our horrible antique pay system, how about one simple break: if you’re on Active Duty, you don’t pay income tax. Period. No state tax, no federal tax, nothing. I seriously doubt someone could stand up in either house of Congress and say the pittance they’re making by taxing our fighting forces is critical to the nation's well being. It’s just another junket to Hawaii for them, but it could make a real difference for us.