Housing

Growing up with a dad in the Navy, we mostly lived in Navy housing. It seemed like we moved ever two years or so, and always from one end of the earth to another. I got to see a lot of different housing, and it pretty much all sucked. Some because you were basically living in an off-base ghetto (the worst was “Gateway”, outside RTC San Diego), and some because of the folks at “Housing” who would threaten you with eviction if they drove by your house some morning and your lawn wasn’t mowed. Most of them were staffed by cadre of busybodies who made the CIA seem apathetic in comparison.

Then there was a cute little scam that we saw from time to time when we were trying to move out. After the movers left with all our stuff, we normally spent a few days cleaning the place from top to bottom in preparation for the final inspection by Housing. Until they sign you off, you can’t leave, and we were usually on a tight schedule. This puts a lot of pressure on the family to get it right, a fact not overlooked by the folks doing the inspecting.

The scam starts with them failing you for something inconsequential (once we got dinged because the guy found a little cobweb under the kitchen sink). The inspector will sympathize, but tell you he can’t come back to do another inspection for a few days. And, right before he leaves, he’ll “recommend” some local cleaning service. Said cleaning service will guarantee you’ll pass the next inspection... but certainly not because they’re any better at cleaning than you are.

No, the truth is usually that either a relative of someone at Housing works for them, or the inspector is getting a kickback. It really doesn’t matter which - until you hire them, you’re not going anywhere. We didn’t see this scam every time, but it happened often enough that we would just ask beforehand if there was a specific company they wanted us to use. If they said no, or gave us a list of several different ones, we knew we could just clean it ourselves. If, on the other hand, they were quick to hand us a business card, the message was pretty clear.