This one is a music video (updated link - it was originally set to Metallica's All Nightmare Long, but youtube made us change it):
-> CLICKY <-
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
The New NEW Pay System
So I'm sitting around this morning, thinking about what a fuck-tard my division officer is. The fact that it's Saturday and my whole division is here with me might give you some clue why I'm thinking this. With this zero, we got the worst-case scenario: no experience and a god complex someone instilled in him in OCS. We haven't seen him in a few hours, which must mean the Eng is getting a particularly thorough hummer in the fan room.
But I digress.
I'm a firm believer that it’s not whining if you point out a problem AND propose one or more plausible solutions. With this in mind, I propose the following solution to the Ensign Issue:
Problem: The aristocratic tendencies among Navy brass led to a system whereby a four year degree somehow makes some sailors better leaders than others, thus deserving obsequiousness from their underlings. This is a severely outdated concept, as demonstrated by the fact that I have an EE degree, whereas my supposed better has one in oceanography. In fact, out of 14 people in my division, 8 of them have at least an AS. Furthermore, I can honestly state by direct observation that his deeper insight into how sea snails reproduce is of limited leadership value in the real world.
Solution: Eliminate the shortcut to leadership. Make everyone start off on the bottom (ala Starship Troopers – the book, not the movies) and advance through hard work. Here is my proposed rank structure; we can come up with better titles for them later:
1. Seaman Recruit. This is where everyone starts off on day one in boot camp. You remain an SR for exactly one year. At the end of the year, you either get promoted or you get shown the door. Consider this the “probationary” period, where it’s fairly easy to get rid of whiners and non-hackers.
2. Seaman. This rank forms the core labor force for the Navy, so there’s a lot of them. You can remain a seaman for as long as you want, but there’s a minimum time-in-rate of one year. During your period as a seaman, it’s expected you will complete your basic quals. After you make seaman, you can remain in the Navy until the 25 year point if you choose to.
3. Petty Officer. This is the lowest leadership rank, usually with 3 to 6 seaman working for them. Advancement from here on out is based on one composite score, based on evals, PRT scores, written test scores, etc. that’s in competition with all the other people going up for the same promotion. The idea is that no one area can make or break your chances for advancement. There is also mandatory leadership and technical training required once selected for advancement; the higher the rank, the more intense the training.
4. Senior Petty Officer. The senior petty officer is the basic LPO rank. The SPO has typically been in the Navy 5 or more years and is in charge of 3 – 4 petty officers and their teams. The SPO may be running a smaller division or may be one of a group of SPOs in a larger one.
5. Chief Petty Officer. In addition to the usual advancement requirements, the CPO must also have a two-year degree or equivalent in some discipline related to their rate. That means Ice Sculpture 101 is fine for cooks, but N/A for twidgets. A CPO may be running a large division, or may be acting as the department’s LCPO / DO. A CPO has been in the Navy about 8-10 years by now.
6. Lieutenant. Lt.’s typically act as department heads. There’s no need for the DO role, since the CPOs cover that.
7. Commander. Commanders are typically COs of smaller commands and may be department heads or XOs in larger ones. In addition to the other requirements, commanders must have completed a four year degree and advanced leadership / management training to be considered for promotion. Commanders have typically been in the navy for around 14 - 16 years by this point.
8. Captain. Captains are typically COs or XOs of larger commands. Most captains have been in around 20 years by now, and won’t get any higher. Only a select few move on to commodore. Retirement becomes mandatory after 25 years of service unless selected for advancement.
9. Commodores. Commodores are typically squadron COs, with authority over several commands. There are about 20 to 30 of them, total, and competition is fierce for any open billets. Commodores can remain in service up to 35 years, assuming they continue to meet all requirements.
10. Admiral. There are only a few admirals, and they are typically in charge of fleet-sized commands. Each admiral probably has around 5 commodores working for them. The typical admiral has at least 25 – 30 years in, and can remain in service for as long as they’re able to meet the requirements (especially the PRT).
That’s it – 10 total ranks, from seaman to admiral. Since all the schools (including college) are 100% paid for by the Navy, there’s no reason why you can’t fulfill your maximum potential if you apply yourself. With no “promote or die” requirements until your 25 year point, there’s also no incentive to promote people beyond their capabilities just to keep them around.
One additional thing – we do away with the terms “officer” and “enlisted”, since everyone is enlisted. Each rank can get it’s own mess and head, if there’s room, but we do away with saluting except as part of formal ceremonies. I think we’re going to have to keep calling people who outrank us “sir” and “ma’am”, but no more aristocratic BS like personal drivers or chefs.
Of course, there are probably problems with this system I haven’t foreseen; this is just what I think, and who the hell am I?
But I digress.
I'm a firm believer that it’s not whining if you point out a problem AND propose one or more plausible solutions. With this in mind, I propose the following solution to the Ensign Issue:
Problem: The aristocratic tendencies among Navy brass led to a system whereby a four year degree somehow makes some sailors better leaders than others, thus deserving obsequiousness from their underlings. This is a severely outdated concept, as demonstrated by the fact that I have an EE degree, whereas my supposed better has one in oceanography. In fact, out of 14 people in my division, 8 of them have at least an AS. Furthermore, I can honestly state by direct observation that his deeper insight into how sea snails reproduce is of limited leadership value in the real world.
Solution: Eliminate the shortcut to leadership. Make everyone start off on the bottom (ala Starship Troopers – the book, not the movies) and advance through hard work. Here is my proposed rank structure; we can come up with better titles for them later:
1. Seaman Recruit. This is where everyone starts off on day one in boot camp. You remain an SR for exactly one year. At the end of the year, you either get promoted or you get shown the door. Consider this the “probationary” period, where it’s fairly easy to get rid of whiners and non-hackers.
2. Seaman. This rank forms the core labor force for the Navy, so there’s a lot of them. You can remain a seaman for as long as you want, but there’s a minimum time-in-rate of one year. During your period as a seaman, it’s expected you will complete your basic quals. After you make seaman, you can remain in the Navy until the 25 year point if you choose to.
3. Petty Officer. This is the lowest leadership rank, usually with 3 to 6 seaman working for them. Advancement from here on out is based on one composite score, based on evals, PRT scores, written test scores, etc. that’s in competition with all the other people going up for the same promotion. The idea is that no one area can make or break your chances for advancement. There is also mandatory leadership and technical training required once selected for advancement; the higher the rank, the more intense the training.
4. Senior Petty Officer. The senior petty officer is the basic LPO rank. The SPO has typically been in the Navy 5 or more years and is in charge of 3 – 4 petty officers and their teams. The SPO may be running a smaller division or may be one of a group of SPOs in a larger one.
5. Chief Petty Officer. In addition to the usual advancement requirements, the CPO must also have a two-year degree or equivalent in some discipline related to their rate. That means Ice Sculpture 101 is fine for cooks, but N/A for twidgets. A CPO may be running a large division, or may be acting as the department’s LCPO / DO. A CPO has been in the Navy about 8-10 years by now.
6. Lieutenant. Lt.’s typically act as department heads. There’s no need for the DO role, since the CPOs cover that.
7. Commander. Commanders are typically COs of smaller commands and may be department heads or XOs in larger ones. In addition to the other requirements, commanders must have completed a four year degree and advanced leadership / management training to be considered for promotion. Commanders have typically been in the navy for around 14 - 16 years by this point.
8. Captain. Captains are typically COs or XOs of larger commands. Most captains have been in around 20 years by now, and won’t get any higher. Only a select few move on to commodore. Retirement becomes mandatory after 25 years of service unless selected for advancement.
9. Commodores. Commodores are typically squadron COs, with authority over several commands. There are about 20 to 30 of them, total, and competition is fierce for any open billets. Commodores can remain in service up to 35 years, assuming they continue to meet all requirements.
10. Admiral. There are only a few admirals, and they are typically in charge of fleet-sized commands. Each admiral probably has around 5 commodores working for them. The typical admiral has at least 25 – 30 years in, and can remain in service for as long as they’re able to meet the requirements (especially the PRT).
That’s it – 10 total ranks, from seaman to admiral. Since all the schools (including college) are 100% paid for by the Navy, there’s no reason why you can’t fulfill your maximum potential if you apply yourself. With no “promote or die” requirements until your 25 year point, there’s also no incentive to promote people beyond their capabilities just to keep them around.
One additional thing – we do away with the terms “officer” and “enlisted”, since everyone is enlisted. Each rank can get it’s own mess and head, if there’s room, but we do away with saluting except as part of formal ceremonies. I think we’re going to have to keep calling people who outrank us “sir” and “ma’am”, but no more aristocratic BS like personal drivers or chefs.
Of course, there are probably problems with this system I haven’t foreseen; this is just what I think, and who the hell am I?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
"The ship will be firing water slugs"
I went to my first boat in the fall of ‘73 fresh out of prototype and without the benefit of sub-school). Not long after I experienced life under the waves for the first time. In addition to the fact that this was my first trip the following made it memorable.
A couple days into the trip I was awaken by a message over the MC … “THE SHIP WILL BE FIRING WATER SLUGS”. Half asleep I wondered “Water slug. What’s a water slug?”
The next thing I hear is “WOOSH, POP, BANG” before I sat straight up in my rack … at least I tried to sit up. I got the bunk light across the forehead. I didn’t even have to explain what happened when I went to the “nurse”. He just shook his head and told me to sleep on my side.
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